Click, Clack, Ding, Kerchunk!

One of the more popular books in the rotation for LBA and SoBA is called Click, Clack, Moo: Cows that Type. It occurs to me that while reading this story, SoBA and LBA might be confused with the use of something called a "typewriter." Sadly, back in April 2011, it was reported the last typewriter factory closed its doors.

I remember taking "Keyboarding" in (junior?) high school. I wound up dropping the class because I had already "learned" to type and wasn't in the mood to relearn. Now, of course, I can type pretty fast and don't have to look at the keyboard (I'm not doing it now) to make sure that I am typing correctly. I do sort of hover near the "home keys" but the backspace / delete key is much easier to use than "correct-a-type" ever was.

In keyboarding, we used IBM Selectric typewriters. It had that very satisfying hum when you turned it on. Sometimes it felt like you could take it outside to mow the lawn with it. We had a manual typewriter around the house growing up until that finally gave up the ghost. When I went off to college, I had a brand spanking new word processing typewriter that had a disk drive that you could type your papers and then save! them to this piece of plastic. It had a little delay on it that you would type a line of text and then it would magically appear on the paper. It had a flip screen that served as a keyboard cover. For the life of me, I can't remember what it was called or who made it. But then again, if you can't remember a lot from college, you must have had a pretty good time, right?

Here in the office (where I deal primarily with electronic records) there was a typewriter around for a while - I don't know if it is still here somewhere. But with a computer on everyone's desk and the "Avery Plug-in" available so readily, is anyone still typing out addresses on envelopes (the last line of defense for needing a typewriter)?

So, dear reader. Typewriters? What do you think?

Man I'm Old

Every year since 1998 (itself a year when I was already out of college), Beloit College in Beloit, Wisconsin publishes the Beloit College Mindset List to put in perspective certain issues that have helped shaped the incoming freshmen, this year being members of the class of 2014.

Here, mostly without comment, is the full list for this year's class.

The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2014

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.

For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive. (a very unfortunate art - lost)
   
2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.
3. “Go West, Young College Grad” has always implied “and don’t stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way.”
4. Al Gore has always been animated.
5. Los Angelenos have always been trying to get along.
6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.
7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.
8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.
9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend.
10. Entering college this fall in a country where a quarter of young people under 18 have at least one immigrant parent, they aren't afraid of immigration...unless it involves "real" aliens from another planet.
11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)
    
12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry. (Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?)
13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.
14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.
15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.
16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.
17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection.
18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.
19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.
20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.
21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.
22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.
23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.
24. “Cop Killer” by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording.
25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks.
26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.
27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.
28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.
29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.
30. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows.
31. The first home computer they probably touched was an Apple II or Mac II; they are now in a museum.
32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.
33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.
34. “Assisted Living” has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always offered an alternative to the hospital.
35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.
36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.
37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an “Annus Horribilis.”
38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball. (and isn't that a shame)
39. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.
40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.
41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.
42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.
43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.
44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.
45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.
46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station. (now that hurts)
47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.
48. Someone has always gotten married in space.
49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.
50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.
51. Food has always been irradiated.
52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.
53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he?
54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.
55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.
56. They may have assumed that parents’ complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.
57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife.
58. Beethoven has always been a good name for a dog.
59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola’s new Tab Clear, it was gone.
60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.
61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies’ withholding tax, or else.
62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine.
63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.
64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.
65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.
66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.
67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court. (and that's a good thing)
68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.
69. It seems the Post Office has always been going broke.
70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.
71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.
72. One way or another, “It’s the economy, stupid” and always has been.
73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.
74. They've always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi (SYFY) Channel.
75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis.

Let's Not Dwell on This, Shall We?

Next week, the majority of colleges and universities will be getting back into session. And every year, Beloit College in Beloit, Wisconsin publishes the mindset list that reminds us all how old we are. It details what the freshmen (mostly born in 1990 [shudder]) entering college this year have only ever known.

Here are some of the highlights [lowlights?] from this year's list.

• For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead
• GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
• Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
• Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
• As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”
• Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
• Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
• We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
• IBM has never made typewriters.
• They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
• The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
• Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.
• Caller ID has always been available on phones.
• Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
• Soft drink refills have always been free.
• The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
• 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.

Paterno Makes How Much?

Today is Joe Paterno's 81st birthday. Last year, I wrote about Joe Pa's injury sustained on the sidelines during a game, which kept him off the field for a game, something he rarely does. At the end of November, it was revealed how much Joe Paterno is paid for coaching the Nittany Lions of Penn State University.

$512,664

On November 29, the amount was released by the Pennsylvania State Employees’ Retirement System after The Patriot-News of Harrisburg won a five-year court case that was decided last week in Pennsylvania’s state Supreme Court. The salary does not include other football-related income. According to an Associated Press report and an article in the New York Times, please note that in comparison, Alabama’s Nick Saban makes $4 million a year and Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops makes more than $3 million. But those figures include base salaries from their universities and outside income related to football from other sources.

Further, it is fairly well known that Paterno contributes heavily to Penn State. The Library at Penn State? It's the Paterno Library.

Did I mention that Paterno turns 81 today? The article quotes Paterno as saying to reporters at a luncheon that Paterno "expected to coach for 3, 4 or 5 more years but probably not as many as 10."

Good for you, Joe. Good for you.

Nutty Muffins!

Not to be outdone by the garlic infuses recipes from last week's Washington Post, the other recipes featured in the Food section contained the one below. As it featured pecans, C in DC shared the recipe with her college friends, who engage in a ritual selling of pecans each year. It turns out the recipe was written by the mother of one of C in DC's fellow classmates. Enjoy the nuttiness!

Apricot-Pecan Corn Muffins
This recipe makes 8 large muffins baked in a muffin tin with wells that hold 1/2 cup of batter.

If using a muffin tin with smaller wells (1/3 cup), make 12 muffins and adjust the baking time, checking frequently to avoid over baking. As with all muffins, the less you stir the batter, the better the result. The muffins can be baked early in the day, covered and reheated in a low oven (about 300 degrees) for about 15 minutes.

Serve these warm, with lots of soft butter.

Makes 8 muffins.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup flour
• 1 1/4 cups cornmeal
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/4 cups low-fat buttermilk
• 1 large egg
• 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted, plus more for greasing the pan
• 3/4 cup dried apricots, cut into 1/4-inch pieces
• 3/4 cup coarsely chopped pecans, toasted (see TIPS)

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Use either 2 muffin tins with 6 wells or 1 tin with 12 wells (with 1/2-cup capacity) and generously grease the insides of 8 wells.

Sift together the flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt into a medium bowl. Set aside. Combine the buttermilk, egg and melted butter in a large bowl and use a fork to stir them until the egg is blended into the mixture. Pour the flour mixture over the buttermilk mixture and stir slowly with a large spoon just to combine the ingredients; there will be small lumps. Add the apricots and pecans, stirring gently just to distribute them. Pour about 1/2 cup of batter into each of the 8 muffin cups. Bake about 17 minutes, until the tops are firm and starting to brown; a toothpick inserted in the center should come out clean. Let the muffins cool for 5 minutes in the pan. Use a small knife to gently loosen them from the pan and lift them out. Serve warm.

So, What'll You Have?

Does anybody drink anymore? When I went off to college, I "liberated" several bottles of liquor for my college dorm room. As a result, we had the best stocked bar on State Quad. Of course, we drank our share of beer as well. We would go down to the distributor and get a case on Friday night and usually head back on Saturday (to return empties) and get another case. I suppose we could have gotten two cases on Friday, but we probably would have drank both on Friday then. As it was, sometimes we were looking for change in the couch to get enough for more beer. At year's end, our dorm had a hayride, and we went off with a "cocktail" of our own creation, using what was left of the bar. It involved, gin, maybe rum, and iced tea mix (we needed the color to disguise it in the Coke two liter bottles we put it in. I think we enjoyed it . . .

Anyway, recently the Post dedicated several pages of its food section to stocking a bar. So, again, I ask you, does anybody drink anymore? I mean, yes, I enjoy my vodka, and I might even reach for that before the beer. Especially now that summer is here and I can make vodka collins. So, do you have a full bar at home? What's in it? While you go check, fix yourself the semi-official drink of Bermuda.

Dark & Stormy

• ice
• 1 to 2 coin-size slices peeled ginger root (optional)
• 2 ounces dark rum, preferably Gosling's Black Seal (from Bermuda)
• 3 to 4 ounces chilled ginger beer (be sure to use ginger beer and not ginger ale)
• 2 thin lime wedges, for garnish

Fill an old-fashioned glass with ice and the ginger. Add the rum and stir. Top with the ginger beer. Squeeze the lime wedges over the drink and drop them in.

If you leave out the ginger and replace the dark rum with vodka, you'll have made a Moscow Mule.

I Couldn't Get into College Today

Nor could I afford it evidently. A new report out lists the most expensive colleges in America, and DC's own George Washington University is leading the way at $39,000/year. This is of course before they get a book or a slice of pizza at Luigi's.

According to data (and an article on MSNBC's website) from The Chronicle of Higher Education, which tracks college costs, the 10 most expensive schools in the country averaged a tuition rise of 52 percent from 1999 to 2006 — nearly triple the 21 percent rise in the U.S. cost of living during the same period. George Washington's $37,820 tuition is 82 percent of the entire median annual family income of $46,326.

Here is a list of the top ten, according to Forbes Magazine:

1. George Washington University, Washington, DC - 2006-07 Tuition: $37,820
2. University of Richmond, Richmond, VA - 2006-07 Tuition: $36,550
3. Sarah Lawrence College, Bronxville, NY - 2006-07 Tuition: $36,088
4. Kenyon College, Gambier, OH - 2006-07 Tuition: $36,050
5. Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, NY - 2006-07 Tuition: $36,030
6. Bucknell University, Lewisburg, PA - 2006-07 Tuition: $36,002
7. Bennington College, Bennington, VT - 2006-07 Tuition: $35,250
8. Columbia University, New York, NY - 2006-07 Tuition: $35,166
9. Wesleyan University, Middletown, CT - 2006-07 Tuition: $35,144
10. Trinity College, Hartford, CT - 2006-07 Tuition: $35,130

I went to the University at Albany for my undergraduate degree, which currently costs $4350 per year for New York residents (which I was). Out-of-state and international tuition is currently $10,610. Room, board, and fees costs is $10,194 per year. I received my Masters in Social Studies Education from the C. W. Post campus of Long Island University, where current graduate tuition costs $790 per credit.

All of this is compounded by the fact that I don't think I would be able to get into college today. My mother used to do interviews for prospective students for Brown University and I would overhear what these students were doing outside their academics and I would need help picking my jaw up off the floor. God, when I was in high school, the most I worried about was getting in to the sold out movie on Friday night. The making of these "automatons" can't be good. This is of course coupled with trying to get into colleges once considered "safe." Maryland residents used to be able to regard the University of Maryland as their "fall back safe school" but now it has become increasingly hard to get into not to mention the costs, currently pegged at nearly $8000 for in-staters and more than $21,000 for out-of-state residents.

God, I hope my son is smart or really athletic.

Joe Pa Sits Out

Joe Paterno turns 80 on December 21. He was recently offered a new TEN-year deal to continue coaching the Penn State Nittany Lions football team. Last week during the Penn State-Wisconsin game, Paterno was involved in a collision on the sidelines with two players. In the crash, Paterno fractured his shinbone and tore the ligaments in his knee. He was flown back to Happy Valley and is resting comfortably in the Mount Nittany Hospital Center after surgery to repair his injuries.

Paterno was determined to be on the sidelines for this weekend's game against Temple, but he will heed doctor's orders and not coach the game. There had been speculation that he might coach from a skybox above the field of Beaver Stadium, which sports a statue of Paterno out front. But Paterno will miss only his third game at Penn State in his unbelievable 57-year tenure at the university.

Paterno is a Brown University graduate as were both of my parents. My mother, who passed away earlier this year, knew Paterno at Brown. My mother's big claim to fame was that she helped Paterno and other members of the Brown football team get through economics. So I always keep an eye on the goings on in Happy Valley and the incredibly impressive record of Joe Pa.