Oklahoma! Where the Winner Comes Sweeping Down the Runway

Last night, in Sin City, Las Vegas, Miss Oklahoma was crowned as the new Miss America. Somewhere Bert Parks is twirling in his grave.

The event marked the second year in a row that a Miss Oklahoma won the crown. The new Miss America, Lauren Nelson, 20, is a student at the University of Central Oklahoma and wants to get her degree in . . . wait for it . . . musical theater.

The event was hosted by "Dancing With the Stars" and "Saved by the Bell" actor Mario Lopez, hence the somersaults being undertaken by the late Mr. Parks.

Further insult to the pageant is / are the fact(s) that:

• it's no longer in Atlantic City - although it started there in 1921 as a publicity stunt.
• it's not televised by the major networks - last night's telecast was carried by County Music Television.
• it's not on the weekend - really, who watches "alternative" TV on Monday nights? Isn't everyone watching 24?

This was the pageant's second year at the Aladdin Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. It moved to Vegas in an attempt to find new life for an event that had long moved off of the American pop culture radar screens. It should be further noted, the company that produced last night's show, Mischer Productions, is also producing the halftime show at Sunday's Super Bowl.

The pageant lost its network TV contract in 2004 and CMT (owned by MTV) jettisoned the gimmicks that had crept into the telecast and brought back the Miss Congeniality title, which went to Miss Alabama's Melinda Toole last night. But that was not enough for MTV/CMT. This year featured a new set of gimmicks:

• A $1 million giveaway for picking the winner
• A reality TV special to allow viewers to "connect" with the contestants in the days before the crowning
• A Bert Parks ringtone (OK, if he wasn't dead, this would have killed him).

So here's the question - Who Cares? Not I.